Well its been a little over two weeks now and I have to say its been a mix of emotions and adventures. I write this blog today to explain to some what its been like for me. I'm not writing this for sympathy, I'm just writing to tell you, what my day to day life is like now.
On Mondays I'm normally alone, but I do have a friend who visits to break up my day which is wonderful. My husband takes care of everything else that I need before he goes to work. And then when he gets home he makes sure I am all set at night. From Tuesdays-Thursdays, my mom travels up two hours to stay with me. She has been helping me get organized and makes sure my house keeping (laundry, cleaning and any errands) are taken care of. I don't require this of her, but she insists on helping us and she does an amazing job. I'm hoping in time this doesn't become a burden on her. Then on Fridays, some of my other friends stop by at lunch time to break up my day. Weekends and nights are left to my husband who works a full time job and is doing all that he can. With every one's help I feel like my life is as normal, as normal can be right now.
I miss cooking, cleaning and just having the freedom to get up and move around. I have set up camp upstairs in our master bedroom. I don't go downstairs or leave my bedroom unless I have a doctors appointment. Which lately has been once every two weeks. My husband makes dinner when he gets home, and brings it upstairs to me and we eat on a little table we have setup in our room. The only views I have of the outside world is from the windows of my bedroom and the Internet.
Since I'm almost 6 months pregnant now I really can't lay on my back for much longer then 5 minutes. So most of my time is laying on my sides. The doctor still won't let me sit up, so the only time I'm upright is when I get up to use the restroom or when I get up to eat. I limit my time sitting while eating to five minutes. I try to eat as healthy as I can because gaining weight is a concern for women while on bed rest.
I'm not much of a TV watcher so I try to find other things to do. I have plenty of magazines to look through and I go online once or twice a day. I'm still getting myself organized as far as bills and such go. But for the most part it isn't that bad. I have my moments of sadness and I think its only normal to feel that way. I try not to think of what could happen to baby Lily because I feel we will get through this, but sometimes I can't help but worry.
I tell others not to worry about me, I am strong and in the end I know it will work itself out. I do wish for once, I could get a break. I feel like my life medically has always been a struggle, and I always feel like I have to work for everything I have. I think that is what breaks my heart the most. I know everything happens for a reason and I would never change anything that has happened to me....But just once, I wish I could catch a break.
I know many people have harder things to have to go through in their lives and I don't want anyone to think I don't realize that. Good things happen to good people and I know in my heart I am a good person. Things could be worse so I am saying here and now, I am totally thankful for the situation I am going through.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Its been a week...
So its Thursday March 18th, I went to my first follow up visit today with the high risk doctor. They checked my blood pressure like normal, and lucky for me I have low blood pressure. They then proceeded to do an internal ultraound and check my cervix. I was very nervous about this being done because I was afraid it might hurt or I might have some cramping afterwards. Thankfully I had neither. The nurse couldn't tell us if what she was looking at was good or bad, so we just patiently waited for her to be done.
Next the nurse did a regular ultrasound on top of my belly to check the status of the baby. And of course baby Lily was as cute as a button. She was a bit curled up, but we could see a nice side profile of her. She is just so cute. She wasn't very active this morning but it might be because I had eaten before we arrived. I wasn't worried. She too needs her rest... The nurse took a few pictures of her profile and also a few pictures of the baby's body. Once done she told us the doctor would be in shortly to review everything.
The doctor came in and looked at the pictures of my cervix first and told us that in one week my cervix had doubled in length!!! We were so relieved. On the day of my surgery, my cervix was 0.9cm, today my cervix was 1.8cm. The news was exactly what we were hoping to hear. The doctor told us that he didn't think it would get any longer than that, but with that extra length, I have a better chance of keeping Lily in place for a longer period of time. Which is exactly why I was put on bed rest in the first place.
The doctor then looked at the pictures of the baby and said she looks wonderful. He then told us to continue with the strict bed rest and that he would want to see me back in his office in two weeks. We shook hands and he left.
When my husband and I left the room, I noticed my husband had become a bit emotional. I hugged my husband and he told me, he was just so relieved to hear the news. We hugged and packed me up in the car to head home.
I know its only been a week but hearing the news of what the doctor said, it made me feel even more determined to stay focused about being on bed rest. It won't be an easy job, but its going to be one that will have a huge reward at the end.
Next the nurse did a regular ultrasound on top of my belly to check the status of the baby. And of course baby Lily was as cute as a button. She was a bit curled up, but we could see a nice side profile of her. She is just so cute. She wasn't very active this morning but it might be because I had eaten before we arrived. I wasn't worried. She too needs her rest... The nurse took a few pictures of her profile and also a few pictures of the baby's body. Once done she told us the doctor would be in shortly to review everything.
The doctor came in and looked at the pictures of my cervix first and told us that in one week my cervix had doubled in length!!! We were so relieved. On the day of my surgery, my cervix was 0.9cm, today my cervix was 1.8cm. The news was exactly what we were hoping to hear. The doctor told us that he didn't think it would get any longer than that, but with that extra length, I have a better chance of keeping Lily in place for a longer period of time. Which is exactly why I was put on bed rest in the first place.
The doctor then looked at the pictures of the baby and said she looks wonderful. He then told us to continue with the strict bed rest and that he would want to see me back in his office in two weeks. We shook hands and he left.
When my husband and I left the room, I noticed my husband had become a bit emotional. I hugged my husband and he told me, he was just so relieved to hear the news. We hugged and packed me up in the car to head home.
I know its only been a week but hearing the news of what the doctor said, it made me feel even more determined to stay focused about being on bed rest. It won't be an easy job, but its going to be one that will have a huge reward at the end.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The first few days after surgery
The first few days after surgery I realized I wouldn't be able to do this alone. I don't know if it was the shock of the strict bed rest or the emotional state of mind I was in.
My husband has been wonderful. He made it priority one to make sure I had everything I needed whenever I needed it, but I was still so scared. The first weekend home, my husband bought me a netbook to keep me busy, and set me up on the couch with everything in an arm's reach. I thought I would be okay, but then Monday came and all hell broke loose.
I decided to sleep in, and that meant I was sleeping upstairs and then going downstairs to spend the rest of the day on the couch. But that didn't go as smooth as I had hoped.
Before I could naturally wake up to move downstairs, the house alarm went off, and out of the bed I went, with no thought that I was on bed rest. For all I knew my life was in danger and someone could have been breaking into our house. After walking around the house with a high heel in my hand, wearing my care bear PJs, and trying to scare the possible intruder (laughing is allowed). I realized Bellsouth was working on our phone lines, as scheduled, and I just forgot... That was the first moment I realized I couldn't do this alone, at least not right now.
Once I calmed down from the alarm, I decided I needed to rest my nerves before going downstairs, so I rested upstairs till noon. I was starving. Who was I kidding, I need to feed me and the baby. So I got up and went downstairs to eat, and to camp out on the couch till my husband would get home.
Everything was going good until about 3:oopm. I realized I had spilled my huge water bottle all over the carpet... So what did I do? I had to clean it up. This is when I totally lost it. I was on my hands and knees mopping up a two foot by two foot area of water crying. I was a mess.
Here it was my first day alone and two things that should never have happened, had happened... To a normal person without the stress of possibly loosing her baby or just getting out of surgery a few days earlier, I'm sure neither things would have bothered them. But to me they were enough to send me over the edge.
My husband came home later that day and we discussed my day of activies. He was so concerned for me and Lily. We just didn't know what to do. He couldn't stay home with me each day so something else had to be done. We decided the best person to call was my mother. She had offered from day one but we thought we'd be fine. And plus I figured I would wear my husband out first before calling on any friend or family members... That didn't last that long.
The next day (Tuesday) my mom drove up, ready and prepared to take care of me. I was much relieved. In no time at all things were fitting right into place. She got me organized and took me to see my doctor as a precaution. Monday night I was having some cramping. My husband and I just figured it was from the stress of my first day alone, but wanted to make sure. The doctor told us I was okay and just needed to rest.
Since my mom was in the house and I knew I wasn't alone, I was able to relax and get the rest that Lily and I much needed. Lets just hope the rest of the week goes as smooth.
My husband has been wonderful. He made it priority one to make sure I had everything I needed whenever I needed it, but I was still so scared. The first weekend home, my husband bought me a netbook to keep me busy, and set me up on the couch with everything in an arm's reach. I thought I would be okay, but then Monday came and all hell broke loose.
I decided to sleep in, and that meant I was sleeping upstairs and then going downstairs to spend the rest of the day on the couch. But that didn't go as smooth as I had hoped.
Before I could naturally wake up to move downstairs, the house alarm went off, and out of the bed I went, with no thought that I was on bed rest. For all I knew my life was in danger and someone could have been breaking into our house. After walking around the house with a high heel in my hand, wearing my care bear PJs, and trying to scare the possible intruder (laughing is allowed). I realized Bellsouth was working on our phone lines, as scheduled, and I just forgot... That was the first moment I realized I couldn't do this alone, at least not right now.
Once I calmed down from the alarm, I decided I needed to rest my nerves before going downstairs, so I rested upstairs till noon. I was starving. Who was I kidding, I need to feed me and the baby. So I got up and went downstairs to eat, and to camp out on the couch till my husband would get home.
Everything was going good until about 3:oopm. I realized I had spilled my huge water bottle all over the carpet... So what did I do? I had to clean it up. This is when I totally lost it. I was on my hands and knees mopping up a two foot by two foot area of water crying. I was a mess.
Here it was my first day alone and two things that should never have happened, had happened... To a normal person without the stress of possibly loosing her baby or just getting out of surgery a few days earlier, I'm sure neither things would have bothered them. But to me they were enough to send me over the edge.
My husband came home later that day and we discussed my day of activies. He was so concerned for me and Lily. We just didn't know what to do. He couldn't stay home with me each day so something else had to be done. We decided the best person to call was my mother. She had offered from day one but we thought we'd be fine. And plus I figured I would wear my husband out first before calling on any friend or family members... That didn't last that long.
The next day (Tuesday) my mom drove up, ready and prepared to take care of me. I was much relieved. In no time at all things were fitting right into place. She got me organized and took me to see my doctor as a precaution. Monday night I was having some cramping. My husband and I just figured it was from the stress of my first day alone, but wanted to make sure. The doctor told us I was okay and just needed to rest.
Since my mom was in the house and I knew I wasn't alone, I was able to relax and get the rest that Lily and I much needed. Lets just hope the rest of the week goes as smooth.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The story of my pregnancy until now
About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with severe displaysia of my cervix, which required a LEEP procedure and over a year and a half of follow up visits. Once the year and a half passed, my doctor told my husband and I, that my cervix was healthy, happy and 100% able to hold a baby.
My husband and I decided to take some "us" time and enjoy just being married, not focusing on having babies just yet. During that time, we traveled, built a new house, worked very hard at our jobs, and I decided to become a healthier person by taking on the sport of running.
After four years of doing all the things we loved, we realized that we were ready to expand our family. Lucky for us, it didn't take long and on November 13, 2010 we found out I was pregnant! My pregnancy has been wonderful and I attribute it to a wonderful husband, a healthy lifestyle, and a positive attitude towards all the changes that can occur. I didn't have morning sickness nor did I ever have much of any problems during my pregnancy.
Since having the LEEP procedure my doctor had always told me, she was going to watch my cervix to make sure everything stays the way it should. For the first four months every visit I had to the doctor's office I had a special ultrsound to check my cervix. From the beginning, my cervix had been picture perfect. That brings us to now.
On March 10, 2010 my husband and I went to our 5 month office visit to happily find out the sex of our baby, and to have another routine visit. It was confirmed that we were having a baby girl, her name will be "Lily Bernice".
Shortly after the ultrasound we met with my doctor, she quickly informed us that my cervix was shorter then it should be. So she told us that we had a rush appointment with a high risk doctor the next day. That night we went home in shock and in happiness. Happy to be having a baby girl, but in shock that anything was wrong with my cervix or my pregnancy. I was told to go home and lay down. The next day I didn't go into work and stayed off my feet. We went to our appointment with the high risk doctor to find out my cervix had become shorter than the day before, and that I was in need of an emergency cerclage surgery.
Off to the hospital we went, it all happened so fast. I went straight back into the operation room after being prepped for a spinal, and the procedure was performed. They kept me over night at the hospital and told me the rest of my pregnancy would be on strict bed rest....
For all those who know me and know me well, I don't stop moving so for me to be on bed rest, was definetly a shock. I am to lay completely flat, to only get up to go to the bathroom or eat a quick meal. The active lifestyle that I knew had ended, and the lifestyle I'm about to live for the next 5 months, will take on a much deeper meaning.
The meaning of how to grow a Lily.
My husband and I decided to take some "us" time and enjoy just being married, not focusing on having babies just yet. During that time, we traveled, built a new house, worked very hard at our jobs, and I decided to become a healthier person by taking on the sport of running.
After four years of doing all the things we loved, we realized that we were ready to expand our family. Lucky for us, it didn't take long and on November 13, 2010 we found out I was pregnant! My pregnancy has been wonderful and I attribute it to a wonderful husband, a healthy lifestyle, and a positive attitude towards all the changes that can occur. I didn't have morning sickness nor did I ever have much of any problems during my pregnancy.
Since having the LEEP procedure my doctor had always told me, she was going to watch my cervix to make sure everything stays the way it should. For the first four months every visit I had to the doctor's office I had a special ultrsound to check my cervix. From the beginning, my cervix had been picture perfect. That brings us to now.
On March 10, 2010 my husband and I went to our 5 month office visit to happily find out the sex of our baby, and to have another routine visit. It was confirmed that we were having a baby girl, her name will be "Lily Bernice".
Shortly after the ultrasound we met with my doctor, she quickly informed us that my cervix was shorter then it should be. So she told us that we had a rush appointment with a high risk doctor the next day. That night we went home in shock and in happiness. Happy to be having a baby girl, but in shock that anything was wrong with my cervix or my pregnancy. I was told to go home and lay down. The next day I didn't go into work and stayed off my feet. We went to our appointment with the high risk doctor to find out my cervix had become shorter than the day before, and that I was in need of an emergency cerclage surgery.
Off to the hospital we went, it all happened so fast. I went straight back into the operation room after being prepped for a spinal, and the procedure was performed. They kept me over night at the hospital and told me the rest of my pregnancy would be on strict bed rest....
For all those who know me and know me well, I don't stop moving so for me to be on bed rest, was definetly a shock. I am to lay completely flat, to only get up to go to the bathroom or eat a quick meal. The active lifestyle that I knew had ended, and the lifestyle I'm about to live for the next 5 months, will take on a much deeper meaning.
The meaning of how to grow a Lily.
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