Well today I'm not having a good day. I'm not sure what it is exactly. It could have something to do with the fact that as of today I've been on bed rest for 69 days, or it could simply be I'm pregnant and my emotions are all over the place. Whatever it is, its not fun, not today at least.
The pain I was having last Friday has gone away, it only lasted a few days and if I stayed on my side I wouldn't feel it at all. The doctor thinks it could be because Lily is sunny side up. I hope that changes before delivery time. I'm sure it will, we still have some time to go.
But back to today, it started out like a normal day. I got up early, its been a trend lately, kissed my husband good bye and off to watching "Good Morning America" I went. But I noticed by around 11:00 am, I wasn't myself. I felt unproductive and a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I've been home in bed for so long that I need to get up and get organized. That's what I do best, and being on bed rest doesn't allow me to do that. I want to clean, I want to go shopping, I just want to do anything but be in bed another day.
I know it sounds selfish but some days are like this, most are not. Most of the time I'm content and happy with being at home in my bedroom, safe and sound. But today wasn't that day. I did my best to make the most of it. I tried to take a nap, that didn't work. I watched some TV, that kinda got old and I cried after watching every baby story there was, not normal... Eventually I gave in and called my husband at work. He let me vent it out and he cheered me up. Maybe all I needed was someone to talk to. After I got off the phone I decided I was done pouting and I got involved in scrap booking all of Lily's ultrasound pictures. By the time my husband came home from work, I seemed a lot better.
I know the end is near and I don't ever want to look back at this pregnancy as if it was a burden. I wanted to be pregnant and I want to have a healthy baby so I know I just have to roll with the punches. I'm 31 weeks now, so I have maybe nine weeks left. My stitches will be taken out in five weeks and who knows how soon after will Lily be born. I can do this, I know I can. I just have to realize I am doing all I can right now, I am doing my job.
I am growing a Lily.
And you are doing an awesome job, baby! So proud of you. I know how tough it is sometimes, and the fact that you're self-imposing more bed rest in the face of what you've already gone through is inspiring. Lily's not born yet and you're already a great Mom :).
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